Immortal Beloved
by Sharon Rose Black
Summary: A spoof on the infamous fanfic, "My Immortal," written by Tara Gillespie (I think) with my own added twist.
1. Chapter 1

**Genre:** Satire

 **Rating:** M (nudity, swearing, sexual situations)

 **Ships:** Sirius/Emerald (and probably everybody with everyone before its over)

 **Disclaimer:** This is a satirical take on "My Immortal," which was a...well I don't know what to call it but it was a Harry Potter fanfiction. I only own Emerald and I created Genovia for one of my friends if she decides to play along. The rest of it belongs to whoever wrote "My Immortal" and to J.K. Rowling (with apologies so far to Led Zeppelin, the Mummy, Bram Stoker...and this list may continue to grow). Even as of now, I'm adding an apology to Dr. Seuss, who I almost forgot.

My name is Emerald Amethyst Anck-Su-Naman Meela Page, only a lot of people Emmy b/c it sownds more like Ema (as in Ema Wattson, not the awards show or that stoopid culb,geddit?)…anyhoo…I have black hair tipped with blue and bangs and very soft skin and black eyes and I look just like Patricia Velasquez in the mummy (if you don't no who that is GTFO of here) and im from califorya and im half egyptian and half vella, and im like a ravenclaw…nope no other houses just ravencalw b/c im SO NOT a Mary Sue111 Anyh0w, my bestie is Genovia Marsden Emeries Rickman (Jennifer Kay, this is you) and she has totally purple hair and we go to this really cool school in england called Hogwarts and its got witches and wizards and ghosts and goblins and giants and yea even vampires like this one girl who calls herself enoby darkstuff or whatever tf she calls herself. Ebnoy is a statinist but im not but I am a witch like an egyptian wich who worships gods and goddesses and cats and cool stuff like that. I buy my clotes from Holy Clothing because they're so much cooler and cruelty free than hot topic but I go to hot topic sometiimes too but im not a slut or anything even though my muggle sister thinks im being a bitch rite now but hey shes a muhggles so whatdoyouexpect anyhow…I'm dating this guy named Series and he's Vampire's uncle or grandfather or whatever…but he's so much older than me and sum ppl say thats like totally gross by it but I really don't care because I love him and he loves me and every time we get together we like… _so totally do it_ …and its like OMFGSFW111 But anyway Siris isn't a vampire although he totally once was about a hundred years agog until that stupid preppy bytch Wynonna who I sooooo totally hate because shes like sooooo totatllly uglee cut off his head and drove a steak throuht his hart…but its all good now I guess because if she hadn't he might not have been reborn to orin and walbanger balk as series.

Anyhow…Seires and I aren't really supposed to be dating or anything b/c hes like the DADA teacher this year along with Loopin and if Enoby ever found out she would so tell on us and Series might so get thrown back in azkroban but the other night Led Zeppelin like reformed to play in Hogsmeade and Series and I went on his flying motorcycle. I wore a black leather miniskirt and a purple halter top and I didn't wear a bra or underwear but wore balck fishnets and balck boots, and then i drank a poshion to make my skin turn gold and wore black eyeliner and purple false eyeslashes and balck lipstick and Sirus wore balck leather pants and jacket with no shirt and black boots and he was like...OMG SO FUCKING HOT even thought he spent all that time in that azkroban place poor baby. So anyway…we were like…in the front row, and Sirius picked me up and put me on his sholders, and I like so took off my top and shook my boobas at the band…and what was really really really cool was that they drankthis magical potion that made them all like…REALLY REALLY YOUNG AND SUCH HOTTIES…like they were back in the 1950s or whenever4 they started out111 IT WAS LIKE OMFG SO FUCKING AMAZING!

Anyhow, I really love jimmy because hes suck a FUCKING HOTTIE expeceially wen he's wearing his balck saten suit with the red dgagoons that are...well, they're like sown into it but i don' tknow what the word for it is..,and I think siris got all gealous because I was shaking my firm gloden bobbies at him, so we left erly but then we took off on his motorcycle and went into the forbidden forrest and like…WE SO TOTALLY DID IT! and it was like OMFG! I could see STARS and the ERTH SHOKE and there were FYREWERKS and EVERTING WUZ SOOOOO WUNDERFUL and I never ever EVER wanted it to end because it was ALL SO FUCKING HOT AND WONDERFUL!…

Well well well…what have we here?

I looked up and screamed, "WTF?"

It was Professer Snope, and he was smilling at us meenly.

"You will be expelled, Miss Page,"

Snape snarled with a sneer.

"And as for you, Balack

Asscabin for your rear!"

(to be continued)


	2. Chapter 2

My Immortal: Chapter 2

(a/n: sum1 axed wot the point wuz…to which I must reply nufink.)

Sirrus stood up and his black leather pants fell around his ankled. "Y DON'T YOU GO PLAY WITH YOUR CHIMESTRIE SET MUTHAFUCKER!" he screamed, while I sat up and tried to cover my nekkidness with my bare hands.

Snope didn't say anything he just cast the immeritus curse on us and forced us to put on out cloths and go back to the cassel. And when we were going up to Dumbelldors officer we saw Enoby who was standing by the wall with Draxo and she like…gave us all the finger. 

"UP YOURS TOO BITCH!" I yelled.

"Silence!" snarked Snape. Sirrus only glaired at him.

Anyhow Dumbeldour and Mcgonnegel were there and they asked us what the meaning of all of this was, and I was like…so scared I didn't know what to do because I was so scared that id be expelled and have to go back to live with my sister and sirrus wouild be snet back to azkaban and all that really awful stuff. But when im scared I sometimes like get really mad and I said, "im 18 so you cantdoanytingaboutit legelly and we love eachotherso hes not a sick prevert or a child mulester or anything like that," and Mcgonegell said well be that as it may hes still a professor and your still astudent and this is totally against the rulse. So I told her I would quite school if it ment I couldn't be with Sirrus anymore and dumbledore said he didn;'t think we would hafe to do that but he told sirrus he couldn't be the DADA teacher anymore and if he wanted to stay at school with me he would have to drink this potion to make him young and a student again and he said yeah sure no problem and drank the potion and wen he did it was like…sooooo totally awesome because all the damage that asskaban had done to him just like melted away and he was young again and sooooo beatufill. So anyway after all that we went up to his room where he had a piano and he played Baytoven's Moonlight Sinatra for me and it was soooo beautiful and I was so totally in love!


End file.
